I never know where to sit when I get into a car driven by a hired driver. Do I sit in the front seat? The back? What does it mean when I sit in one place versus another?
And then there are those times when the driver’s side is on the right instead of the left like I’m used to, and I wait stupidly next to the driver’s door until he says ‘Oh, you want to drive, eh?’
I realize I have issues if these are the things I worry about, but the only drivers I’ve ever hired are street taxi drivers, and I’ve always just sat in the back unless the taxi was exceptionally crowded.
When I’m traveling and it comes to a riding in a vehicle with someone who’s hired by an organization and whose full-time job it is to drive, I’m never quite sure what to do. Do I sit in the front seat because I believe we are equals despite our position in the hierarchy? Or is that being ridiculously silly and American? And actually, which seat actually holds more status? The back or the front? And if I sit in the front, do I end up just embarrassing the poor guy with familiarity and friendliness when he’d rather I sit in the back so he can just do his job and go home? Or is it rude to hop in the back? And in the end, does the driver even care? I am probably being self-important to think it matters. Visitors come and go.
I Googled “where to sit hired car driver,” to try to find out, and nothing. What’s a girl to do?
And what about when there are more people than just me and the driver? What then?
Sometimes when traveling in different countries where my organization works, people offer me the front seat, but I never totally know what that means. Do they think I expect it because I’m a visitor, or from the US, or working with the regional office, or all of the above? If I don’t take the front seat, am I offending people by not accepting a gesture of respect and welcome?
Other times I end up in the back seat with 2 or 3 other women. I imagine it crosses all of our minds to try at least a little to avoid the cramped middle seat. Or we wonder if we should secretly engineer it so that a female colleague we want to show gratitude or respect to can have a window seat while we suffer with no legroom.
I don’t think I’m the only one that notices, because normally there is some kind of banter about who’s sitting where and whether they are fat or skinny and whether we all fit.
This afternoon was tricky because it was just the driver, a female colleague and me. She said ‘Oh please, do sit in front!’ I said ‘Oh no, it’s fine, let me just sit here!’ She got in the front and I sat in the back seat, on the right hand side. Since she’d earlier been identified as my sister, because she had just gotten her US Passport, I thought it would be OK to ask her about car etiquette.
Of course, it turns out that there is etiquette. The higher status person should sit in the front, just like in the US, where parents or people being shown respect get the front seat. (I forgot to ask if it’s common to yell ‘shotgun’ on the way to the car when everyone is of equal status to determine who gets the front seat….)
My colleague told me that in some parts of Cameroon, men always get the front, ‘because women are just getting to a place where they might think about sitting there’. Sometimes though, someone will offer you the front seat as a gesture, in which case you should take it.
She explained that if the owner of a car has a hired driver, the owner normally sits in the spot where I was sitting (right hand side, back seat). ‘This lets everyone know that he is the owner of the car…. If he’s a big man, his bodyguards will then sit in the front seat and to the left of him in the back…. And if you are riding with a group of people, you might ask or wait to be instructed where to sit so as to ensure you are not sitting in the owner’s spot or offending anyone.’
Makes total sense.
In the end, I suppose there will be slight variations to car etiquette, but it’s pretty much the same everywhere, and I should just go with my gut feeling.
But I still don’t know if I’m supposed to get in the front or the back when it’s just the driver and me, and he doesn’t indicate by nodding or opening a door.
Help.
Wait... What? 
Looking forward to finding consensus on this, too!
Right to the point Linda. I’m equally confused about the same issue every time I traveling. Usually I’m offered the front seat, especially if there is a group of local colleagues in the car. I never really understood what that was exactly about, but often I’ve insisted to join everyone else to the back seats. Why? Well, it’s just a bit boring when all the good stories are being told in the back seat and I can’t really hear well when the engine is running and wind is blowing through the opened windows (and I don’t mean that chatting with drivers would not be fun, but…).
Secondly, because of this never-ending “I’m-from-Europe-and-I-don’t-want-to-be-seen-in-the-front-seat-of-four-wheel-drive-because-of-all-the-stereotypes” thoughts that jump to my mind every now and then.
But, thanks for the good research on this subject. Peer support usually helps! 😉
I got so tired of thinking about this that I made myself a guideline. Now I just follow it. My rules:
If I am offered the front seat, I take it. And if I know the driver, I sit in front.
If the driver is a stranger, I sit in back. I figure no one is going to blame a woman for not wanting to sit next to a strange man. And I have had more than one friend get groped when she sat in the front seat next to a driver she didn’t know.
I like Alanna’s rules. I think that pretty much covers all possibilities.
Agree with Alanna in principle, but since moving to Pakistan last year I’ve discovered that things are sometimes more complicated than this. From the Provincial Disaster Management draft terms of reference for NGOs operating in Khyber Pakthunkhwa, the following advice:
“A female sitting on the front seat in a vehicle along with the driver is viewed with disapproval. Female staff should avoid sitting on the front seat as far as possible. They may occupy the front seat if more than one male colleague is accompanying as males and females sitting on the same seat are also cause of more serious concern to the locals.”
Thanks all for the comments – it makes me feel better that I’m not the only one who worries about this stuff. Luckily groping hasn’t been an issue for me with drivers from our organization in the past – hoping that continue to be a positive trend. If it’s a public car that’s not affiliated with our organization, I do tend to take a lot more precaution and feel more wary. Alanna your point of sitting in the back if you don’t know the driver is a really good one, and Nicki thanks for bringing those additional rules out too. Lots to think about.
As usual Linda, well-described insights. Obviously easier being a male. When I am the only passenger, then I always ask to sit up front with the organization drivers. Drivers are some of my favorite people – most are knowledgeable of the area, unpretentious – and I cannot do what i do without them! Often drivers are taken aback when I sit up front. I usually ask them to switch from the English-language radio stations that they have politely tuned to for my benefit and please just play/tune to their favorite music station – I have discovered great artists this way. Street taxis, I take the back seat. I have tons of taxi stories, as you surely do.
[…] Based on my last couple of posts, apparently this week I’m a little hung up on privilege and position. […]
I sit in the front if offered or if alone with an organization driver, mostly because I like to see what’s going to kill me on the road before it hits us. 🙂
Seriously, though, I think doing what you’re told usually works best in these situations. And if you’re not told, sit where you’re comfortable and don’t worry about it.
Ha! sometimes that’s why I prefer the back – I’d rather be surprised when we hit that bus head on while both passing on a curve on a hill….
[…] recently wrote about how difficult I find it to know what the etiquette is when riding in a car with a hired driver. So I was happy to see that the owner of this van, hired to take the youth out to film in Ndop, […]
First world problems, “where do I sit?”, you’ve got to be kidding me….