When my son was 15 or 16 we used to have go-arounds about selfishness and self-centered behavior. He was at the height of both.

One time he was explaining what he wanted to do with his life. ‘I want to do something like science or research, but I don’t want to have to help people with it. I just want to do it for me, because I want to learn it, but not to help anyone. Are there jobs like that? Like, where you don’t have to help people?’

‘One day you’ll mature,’ I remember saying sarcastically. ‘One day your brain will grow a little and you’ll develop some empathy, and then you won’t be so selfish with your brilliance.’

I wasn’t too worried that he’d stay selfish forever. I figured it would run its course.

He and I both play a Brazilian martial art called capoeira.  (Read this old post for more about this beautiful game and life philosophy). Once a year we have a big event called a batizado where people get tested and they can advance a level. It’s a lot of work, the testing is nerve-wracking, and the celebrations afterwards are huge. Our capoeira group is a tightly knit social group, so it’s always a big deal and one of the best times of the year for us.

About 6 months after my son and I had our conversation about selfishness, it was batizado time. We saw one after the other of our friends go in for testing and get their cords. There was cheering, hugging, back slapping and congratulations galore.

Towards the end of the event, my son came over to me, his face all lit up in a huge smile. ‘Mom! Mom! Oh my god I’m so happy for everyone! And Mom, Mom, I got that thing! That thing you said I’d get.’

‘Huh?’ (confused look).

‘You know, that thing… Come on, Mom, that thing you said I’d get. That thing where you care about other people and you put yourself in their place and you feel what they feel? That thing… what’s it called? Because I have it now!’

Empathy.

Nice. I love being right. 🙂

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